Monday, October 4, 2010

diet hell

Ben and I began a new program last week called Take Shape for Life. I've been asking the Lord to show me ways to honor my husband, and when he wanted to try this weight-management program, I thought, "Hurray! What a great opportunity for me to show him how much I respect and honor him! This will be fabulous and life-affirming and team-building!"

Oh, golly.

We have survived almost one week on an 1100-calorie-a-day diet of basically really horrible food (no offense, Medifast) that brings us absolutely zero pleasure. I've been lethargic, exhausted, fuzzy-headed, depressed, irritable, and HUNGRY. So, so hungry. Five seconds after I finish a "meal," I'm starving again. When we're not feeling suicidal or homicidal, we're just bummed, and thinking about food. I'm told that one of these mornings I will wake up with an amazing amount of energy and motivation and will know that I have entered the mythical "fat-burning" phase of the program, and that my pesky ten to fifteen extra pounds will begin to melt away, and that I will no longer feel insatiably, unconsolably starving. I'm clinging to that promise.

I am learning some things. I'm beginning to understand my rather unhealthy relationship with food. It appears that I took enormous pleasure in food, because there's a significant hole in my life where cheese and ice cream used to reside. I'm beginning to think about eating deliberately and purposefully, which is new. I've never struggled much with my weight (which is wholly the blessing of good genes), but I was becoming an extremely undisciplined eater. If nothing else, going through this experience should help me to make better choices when it comes to my health.

But seriously... I want a cookie.