Friday, December 12, 2008

the little engine that can't

I just returned from a long evening of fighting bad roads, a crowded mall, and two cranky men in tow, and I... am... so... tired. I am experiencing a months-long episode of fatigue that is known in certain circles as "pregnancy." I know that I was tired with Eli - sometimes really, really tired - but this time I just cannot get my motor going. Every morning, I lay in bed and fight with myself: "I should really get up. Eli will be up in half an hour. I should get up and take a shower and get ready for the day. I should get up." Every afternoon, I decide to grab a "quick nap" while Eli naps, and an hour later I lay in bed and fight with myself: "I should really, really get up. I should get up and clean the kitchen and do some laundry and do something on my to do list." But I almost never get up until Eli is awake and I've lost my window of opportunity to do all of the things that I can't do when he's on the loose. Even when I do manage to pull myself out of bed early, I find that I'm controlled by an overwhelming sense of inertia. I feel like I'm moving through mud, forcing myself through every motion. I have had a handful of days where I've felt some real energy, and those days have felt amazing. I am so excited to meet this baby and I can't wait to have my new little bundle to snuggle and love on, but... how am I ever going to do this???

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

in my house there are many penises

Today was the big day... the ultrasound. Although Ben and I (and everyone we know) were hoping for a girl this time around, God has seen fit to bless us with another little bundle of testosterone. I admit to a momentary but substantial breakdown in the bathroom (by the way, never look in the mirror under fluorescent lights after you've been crying... wow), I came to terms with the news and now feel only slight disappointment mingled with my excitement. I'm happy for Eli to have a brother so close in age and pray that they will be best buddies (I should probably stop reading Danielle's blog now). I also know that it will be a blessing for us to be able to re-use a lot of Eli's stuff, but don't think that I won't be scooping up some adorable new outfits for my little guy. Eli's clothes are so 2007. We're having a little trouble coming up with a name, but we're leaning towards Noah, Ethan, or Lucas. We briefly considered the names "Heh." or "Well, maybe next time!" but worried that they might send the wrong message to our child.

So, pressure's on, Baby Number Three. Pressure's on.