It was only a matter of time before post-partum depression settled into my otherwise idyllic new life with two children. It's nothing major, but when I went from feeling happy and energetic one day to weepy and utterly exhausted the next, I knew what was up. Since I've experienced this before, I quickly called my doctor and started on some happy pills, and I am already feeling a little better after just a few days. But man, am I tired. More than tired, I am excessively, mind-numbingly weary. I feel like my blood is barely pumping and just getting out of bed and off the couch is a challenge. I am so thankful for Ben, who stepped way up and pitched in with baths and dishes and vaccuuming and hugs. I wish we were closer to my family, who I know want nothing more than to help out. I have struggled with mommy guilt and wife guilt and Christian guilt while being too exhausted to really care about all of the things that I feel guilty about. And to add insult to injury, I am having daily migraines again. Waking up with them this time, which is ridiculous. It doesn't even give me a chance to do anything right or wrong, just, "Good morning, you feel like crap already!" It sucks, because I was feeling so good... more energetic and ambitious than I ever felt while I was pregnant, and just... very up. But I've been here before, and I can already feel it getting better. Today I took Eli to the playground, and I worked out, and I'm cooking dinner. Little things that provide a sense of normalcy, that help me see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel like a slightly less inadequate wife and mother. It's comforting to know that I'll get there. But oh, I hate getting there.
In other news, we enjoyed a wonderful Memorial Day at the beach. We spent several hours at Hug Point, wading in the waves and watching Eli play in the sand. He is still skittish about the waves, but he adores running around and digging in the sand. I am an ocean junkie. There is no place I would rather be than sitting on the beach, any beach, watching waves crash. Put a fruity drink in my hand and I'm a happy, happy woman.
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4 comments:
I love you and all your honesty! Am craving a good conversation! Glad you called your doc! Take care of you!
You took Eli to the park AND worked out AND made dinner? Honey, I am one year into having two kids and i've STILL not managed to do all that in one day. KUDOS to you!!!!
Hey Alisa,
those dark days are so difficult to muddle through. After both my pregnancies the anxiety...well I don't even have words to describe it. I just know that it was the hormones, sleep deprivation, and new adjustment, which is little comfort, recognizing it really doesn't make you feel any better. I had to have some close friends come over and just talk to me. I am praying for you today.
Take comfort in knowing you are not alone. God takes care of you and gets you through these tough times. And you have so many friends who have been through the same thing too. I know the feeling... knowing it will get better but hating having to go through it in the first place! Just remember that when you get to the other side, it seems like all that other stuff is just a blur in the past. :) And thank GOD for doctors and their happy pills... otherwise I might be institutionalized!
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