Monday, July 28, 2008

being still

I have to confess, we are in a hard season. I've been in God's word and marveling at how He speaks through it, and I've been encouraged to press on in the face of every kind of trouble, but our circumstances have been pretty dismal. True, I can't even count all of my blessings - a happy marriage, a healthy child, a home, food to eat, water to drink, a church to worship in - way too many to count. And I remind myself of this often, whenever I'm feeling discouraged about all of the things that are standing between where I am and where I want to be. But the enemy is hard at work and he gets in my head sometimes, and I have those days... days where I just want to crawl under my super-cushy down comforter (another blessing) and sleep the day (week? year?) away. Some days I need a more tangible reminder that God is present and at work. A few days ago, He obliged. I was driving with my sister-in-law Heather, who was visiting from Texas. Leaving my favorite coffee shop (shout-out to Peet's!), I pulled up to a stoplight to turn left onto a very busy road. The light to turn left was green, but "for some reason" I stopped. I noticed the green light and said, "Oh hello, the light is green," and just as I put my foot on the gas to go, a car came flying through the intersection, going way over the speed limit, and running the red light. If I hadn't stopped at a green light, that car would have absolutely plowed into us. Now I know some of my friends might say that it was my occasional air-headedness that caused me stop when I didn't need to, but I disagree. I believe it was a little glimpse of God, a reminder that He is faithfully ordering my steps even when I feel like they're faltering.

I found an old CD today and was so excited to rediscover a favorite old song (shout-out to Lee U. - I can't help it, I love me some shout-outs). The lyrics are taken from Psalm 119:133: "Establish my footsteps in your word." I was spending a few minutes relaxing in my big chair (blessing!), when I heard a line that immediately brought me to tears: "While you are working, help me be still." Wow, how I need to hear that. I feel like I've finally learned how to root myself deeply in God's word and I actually want to bear much fruit and still... I am so impatient and so anxious to see my life bear the fruit I want to bear when I want to bear it. I still wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, with a sick, knotted feeling in my stomach, wondering how in the world we are ever going to get to that mythical place of "Everything's OK." In the midst of trying to work through all of the problems in my life, how desperately I need to be reminded to just... be... still. God is working. I am waiting. All is well.

8 comments:

Danielle said...

Praise God you're ok!!! I'm so sorry things are hard. I wish we were closer! I"m praying for you and can't wait till we can connect again. Things will turn around!!

Unknown said...

I'm so thankful for your hesitation!

I know where you are. I understand. Just hang on and keep trying to be still and know that He is God. He is faithful, even when it's not in the way we would like it to be.

Mandy said...

I can't remember if we've met or not, I am actually a friend of Melissa M. and I lurk around some of her friend's blogs sometimes.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, I know so much of where you're at. My husband and I are in a similar place of wanting to see fruit of our obedience now and I get easily frustrated as well. So, I just wanted to say, it's nice to know I'm not alone. :)

Mandy said...
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Whitney said...

Psalms 16, Matthew 6, Proverbs 3:5-6 (Shout out to Caravans:) God does promise us provision - and what we need for each day. Somedays what we need is beyond our comprehension - it might be peace, it might be clarity, it might be cold, hard cash... but He knows. And will somehow make it okay - I read somewhere that faith is believing that you'll be given ground to stand on or wings to fly. So way to stop at green lights and to rely on God! I love you! And can't wait to see you.

Whitney said...

By the way - it is so okay to stay under your comfy down comforter for at least a few extra minutes!

Whitney said...
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Anonymous said...

what a lovely summary of 'exactly' how I feel and the experiences I've had where God has stepped in "coincidentally" aka when He chooses to remain anonymous. We were at a stop light on New Year's Eve on our way to church. A car in the opposite direction rounded the curb too fast and screeched to a halt inches before hitting us. The thing is, the car was coming so fast, it could only be God's intervention that allowed it to stop so short without hitting us.

He is good ALL the time.

Amen

Stay strong, my prayers are with you.