Monday, January 26, 2009
under pressure
I am completely defeated this evening by unmet expectations. It doesn't seem to matter what I get right or do well - how many times I get a nutritious, edible meal on the table, how many times I successfully get my toddler in and out of a series of stores without a meltdown, how many appointments I manage to remember. There is always something waiting around the corner for me to fail at. A bad haircut, a bump on the forehead, a bill unpaid, a paper we can't find. I try to tell myself that this is just life, that mistakes happen, that nobody's perfect. But sometimes, like tonight, the weight of all of the little mistakes and disappointments add up to a crushing sense of failure and futility. I wish I was brighter, more careful, more competent... just... better.
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4 comments:
This makes me want to give you a great big hug and tell you that you are who God created you to be and that is a wonderful mother, wife and friend. The imperfections make you who you are and we all have them! Although I know exactly how you're feeling because I've been there myself. If you ever need someone to talk to... I'm here!
After reading your true story and under pressure blogs (and I admit chuckling a bit through them :)) I am glad you can look forward to your weekend away!! You deserve it! Just remember, we all go through these times with the kids and reading your blog reminds me of that. There are many a time when I think "Is my child the only one who behaves this way? Why can't I get everything done the way others seem to?" Anyways, none of us are perfect or else life would be boring :) Enjoy your time away!!!
Kelli
You are not alone. I have had these same thoughts lately wondering how am I going to be able to do even this much once we add even more little ones to our family. I just remember that God only gives us what we can handle. Athough it may not seem like that at the time. He sees what we are dealing with every day and has a plan even when it seem like there is nothing positive in sight.
Try to have a wonderful weekend away and focus on You! You are a great mommy, wife, and friend as Annie said. I feel so blessed that God brought you to all of us.
I love you and wish you were my neighbor. You are wonderful and I love you. You are not a failure, you are pregnant and tired and your body is flooded with hormones.
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