whew

There has been so much sadness today.

An old friend received unthinkable news from home. Her life is turned upside down in an instant.

An elderly woman is losing her beloved husband. Even in old age and sickness, how do you say goodbye to the person you've built your entire life with?

My dearest, closest friend, is watching her father die. It is unbearably slow and painful. She is so strong, so steady, but I know how loudly her heart is breaking. My heart aches for her.

Haiti. This tiny, massively impoverished nation, crumbled. Literally torn apart by the ground beneath them. It's impossible to see why God would allow this tragedy to fall onto such a defenseless land. Of all the nations of the world, why Haiti? It feels immensely unfair.

My own life: richly, abundantly blessed. And still, I am facing down giants who refuse to surrender. The trials seem to be relentless. It weighs on me. Wears me down. Wears me out.

I am bent today, sending up prayer after prayer for crisis after crisis.

Running through my mind all day, the words to a favorite song:

I can choose to ask why. I can choose to be angry.
I can wrestle when life is not what I thought it would be
I can wish that all the pain would simply go away
And at the same time I can choose Lord to trust You

Do you see me I can't do this on my own
Are you near me just let me know I'm not alone
I prayed, had faith that you would answer me so differently

To trust Your ways are not my ways
To know there's purpose in this pain
To trust that you will bring my joy again
But I'm still asking why...

One day, I promise, we will know.